It may sound like a trite phrase but truly negotiation is a learned skill. It is something that puts you personally and professionally in the driver's seat and once you have that skill, you can barter for goods in Tijuana or with major companies for goods and jobs.

My favourite story about negotiation is one where a person gets a call from student loans people after many years on an old debt. And though, this doesn't somehow seem relevant, it is because of his reaction. Though he should knee jerk react thinking about his credit rating or the whole sue him aspects, he doesn't. He says he'll look into it and though the person on the other side becomes belligerent, he is calm and cool. The other side in this conversation has showed all their cards. They have threatened to sue. They have threatened to wreck his credit. Still, he persists that he will look into it. Knowing they have shown their hand, seven days later the same person phones back and offers him 8,000 dollars off his loan if he goes out and gets a bank loan. And he still doesn't jump right to getting a bank loan. He waits another week to see if the person will come down in price, after all he knows all too well that they've shown every single card they had. He's not afraid of being sued or having his credit destroyed. They don't have anything else and now they are bending to him.

His skill here is listening to the other party as they laid their cards out and then not responding in an emotional way.

Negotiation in its truest sense means listening to the other party, trying to understand where they come from.

It is the ultimate art of looking before you leap and not jumping to the handshake and the contract. Instead, the art is in refining what you want, setting those unstoppable goals and also leaving some wiggle room on stuff you don't truly care about.

Say for example, you've been invited to merge your businesses temporarily. You go to the first meeting with a list of what you want out of it and you listen to the other side's list as well. You may at this meeting agree on nothing at all or perhaps there is one thing. Everything else, you say you will go home and think about over the next few days. But you take a week instead. This sets you up even more. If they really want the deal, you will have struck fear into their hearts. If they haven't fully showed their cards, they may now.

In doing that, the other side often will counter to keep your interest. By not showing your hand too much up front, you may be in a better position.

Negotiations are not emotional. Refuse to act emotionally and you are half way there. In addition, remember that the person who says little and shows the least cards maintains the most control.

Robyn Whyte is the CEO of Stargazer Press, an independent publishing company at [http://www.stargazerpress.com]

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